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Q: My child is 14 and it is getting thinking about guys, and she appears more interested in guys outside of our competition. I’m not a person that is racist I wish to discourage this for just one easy reason: that the majority of folks aren’t reasonable to a mixed few and I don’t desire her to suffer because of this. When I compose this it feels like i am prejudiced, but I really don’t desire her to stay in discomfort due to this. Is there means of discouraging these relationships without seeming prejudiced?
A: No, there isn’t any means of “not seeming prejudiced” — as you are. Plain and simple.
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In accordance with the United states Heritage Dictionary, prejudice is described as “an judgment that is adverse opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or study of the reality.” Although your page states that you usually do not believe that you may be prejudiced, i am suspect that the child thinks you might be. I realize your concern when it comes to social problems that a couple that is mixed face, however these are affected by old, antiquated notions. The possibility that in your daughter’s social situation mixed couples may not receive special treatment or prejudice from their peers in addition, you must take into account. Children today more often have actually the chance to become familiar with kids of various events, religions and ethnic backgrounds, the opportunity which a lot of their parents failed to have.
In either case, I am able to guarantee your child shall maybe perhaps not realize your role. Having said that, there are 2 factors that are important you both to take into consideration whenever coping with the topic of boyfriends generally speaking and also this situation in particular. I recommend the next two 
points be talked about between both you and your child:
- You are believed by me have to take a consider your mindset toward the kinds of individuals you would wish your child to keep company with. Within my head (and also this is based upon several years of experience working with this precise problem with several, numerous adolescents), the way that is best to approach this example is that your son or daughter’s collection of buddies shouldn’t be based on battle, but upon merit, values and compatibility. I would suggest setting reasonable tips for the young ones that she’s going to keep company with, such as for example being good pupil, maybe not in big trouble with all the law, respectful for their moms and dads also for your requirements along with your household, respectful to your child, and involved with athletic or community businesses. They are the benchmarks of good character, no matter what the color of epidermis, spiritual affiliation or socioeconomic back ground. If for example the child is able to see for her is to be with someone of good character, the issue of skin color will be a moot point, both for you and for her that you are fair and that all you want. As a person and respect the successes that he has had enjoyed if she brings home a young man of a different race who meets these guidelines, I would hope that you would get to know him.
- For the child, inform her that she has to look out for the trap into which numerous girls i have counseled have actually fallen — dating men just from another battle, religion or status that is socioeconomic a declaration of rebellion. We tell these youths that solely someone that is dating of team is equally as prejudiced as just dating somebody of one’s own history. Numerous kids believe that it is “cool” to go over the boundaries, definitely not since they respect or just like the individual, but simply because they’re making use of the huge difference to create a declaration. Demonstrably, this will be unfair to another individual, because they are, in most cases, being used and manipulated.
With this particular type or sort of interaction, in my opinion you both, to paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, can come to evaluate your child’s times regarding the content of these character as opposed to the colour of the skin.
PLEASE BE AWARE: the info in this column shouldn’t be construed as supplying particular mental or medical advice, but alternatively to supply visitors information to raised understand the life and wellness of themselves and kids. It’s not designed to provide a substitute for treatment that is professional to change the solutions of a doctor, psychiatrist or psychotherapist.